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Do you feel you are known the way you'd like to be known?

Before you read the rest of this, I invite you to pause right now and answer this question for yourself with a simple "yes" or "no."

In all the work I've done coaching individuals and teams over the years, I've found that most people feel "misunderstood" in one way or another. Some people feel wholly misunderstood, while others have a subtle sense that people aren't picking up what we're putting down in a specific area.

The stereotypical human response in these scenarios is to externalize and point the finger. We tend to make statements like this:

• "They just don't get me."

• "He doesn't understand."

• "If she only knew how hard I've worked she would see this differently."

• "They are out of touch with what I have to deal with every day."

This way of thinking is what is called a "disempowered mindset." We often convince ourselves that we are the victims of circumstance and resign ourselves to simply being misunderstood. After all, it is what it is, right?

The truth is that each of us has a "personal brand." Whether or not we realize it, we are always training people how to see us. The easiest example is in the way we dress. We show up to job interviews dressed nicely because we want to be seen as a competent professional. As we approach 40 we buy a pair of Nike Dunks to show that we're still cool and relevant (oh, that’s just me?). Maybe we wear really unique clothing combinations to communicate our creativity.

Whether we like it or not, whether we're willing to admit it to ourselves or not, the clothes we wear, the cars we drive, the language we use, the energy we show up with to meetings, the habits and patterns in our lives, (the list could go on and on) all of these things communicate something to the outside world and contribute to how we are known to others. 

With that in mind, if you reread the primary question, many of you may notice a "right vs wrong" response internally. Maybe you feel like wanting to be known a certain way is morally wrong and manipulative. What if we instead approached the question amorally? What value could you create from it?

For example, I deeply and genuinely love my kids. Because of this, I want to be known for who I really am, someone who loves my kids. If I want my kids to see me in my true light, for them to know me that way, I need to act in a way that creates alignment between my genuine internal self and my outwardly displayed self.

The same thing is true at work. The deep truths about who you are and what you care about -- your everyday actions either help reveal that to others or they don't. But either way, your actions (or inactions) are training people how to see you and giving them insight to what matters most to you.

So, let's circle back to the question. Do you feel like you are known the way you'd like to be known? If not, I want to invite you to reject the natural impulse to shift into the disempowered finger pointing or moralized high-horsing and instead take a neutral look inward. What behaviors or patterns might be contributing to the dissonance? How can you bring your true internal self in harmony with the one you put on display for others?

Go out and lead meaningfully friends.

Trevor

PS - If you found this valuable in any way, I have two requests. One, would you reply and let me know? I’d love to hear from you. Second, would you consider forwarding this to a friend or colleague who might also be eager to grow as a leader? I would be honored to be trusted with your people and promise to serve them as powerfully as I intend on serving you.

If you’re ready to dig in some more, here are a few ways you can grow meaningfully as a leader:

1. Have you ever considered hiring a coach? If so, reply to this email and let’s schedule a 15-minute discovery call where we’ll explore how coaching might just be the greatest next step for your growth.

2. Check out my YouTube channel where I dive deeper into the topics of leadership and culture.