Welp, I failed...

Disclosure: Because I am committed to honoring the FTC affiliate disclosure rules, there may be some affiliate links below and I may receive commissions for purchases made through links in this post. Thank you so much for supporting this newsletter. Now, on to the good stuff.

When I set out to start this newsletter, I made a commitment to myself to post one article per week. One email in your inbox packed full of value, each and every week. That was (and still is) the goal.

Those first three weeks were awesome. Full of energy. Post completed and ready to ship ahead of the deadline.

Then, as is a pattern in my life and a way that I tend to get in my own way, I began to relate to it as something I had to do versus something I get to do or something I am committed to doing. Layer in some great excuses about time and kids and voila, I missed a deadline. No newsletter in your box last week.

Initially, my automatic shame response that comes as a standard feature of our humanity kicked into high gear. “See!! You can’t stick with anything! You are a worthless failure!” The mean, task-driving, get-it-done-at-all-costs version of me that lives in my head saw the opportunity he needed to jump in and break some stuff.

Fortunately, I’ve done enough of the deep work required to notice I was shaming out and was able to redirect quickly. But for years, this type of “failure” would have completely derailed me from my vision. I would have disqualified myself.

Here are a few simple ways I reframe and redirect when I don’t follow through on what I say I’m going to do. Keep in mind, these are focused on when I break commitments I made to myself. I do things a little differently when I break commitments I make to other people, but will save that for another post.

Reframe the Failure

While it seems simple, reminding myself that just because I failed to follow through on a commitment to myself doesn’t mean that I myself am a failure. What I do or didn’t do isn’t a complete picture of who I am. The first step to moving forward is always forgiving yourself.

Search for the Gift

Once I remind myself that I am not my failures, I then go on a journey of searching for the gift buried in the failure. This may sound like an odd thing to do, but the truth is that our mistakes can be beautiful gifts for us if we allow them to be.

Do you notice any patterns in your life that contributed to the broken commitment? Where else might that be showing up in your life? How might those things be getting in your way? Once we dig through the answers to these questions we are often met with the treasure of learning and self-realization.

That’s the gift. When we know what might be going wrong in the system we’ve created (either intentionally or not) we know how to course correct. Our current mistakes are gifts to our future selves because they shed light on specific opportunities for growth.

Reconnect to Vision

When the gaps have been identified, I then ask “Now, what am I going to do about it?” And before I take any action, I make sure that action is connected to my vision. My vision for my life, my work, my integrity, my family, whatever the broken commitment is related to. I am a big believer in beginning with the end in mind. A detour without a final destination in mind can take you way off course and you won’t even know it. But when you know where you’re headed, a detour is simply another way to get there.

Recommit to Who I Am Becoming

I’ll talk more about “way of being” in a future post, but suffice it to say that I believe that everyone should have clarity into who it is they are committed to being/becoming. In our growth journey as human beings, we never actually arrive. We are always in a perpetual state of becoming.

Often times when I am working with a client on crafting a vision, they focus on the results they want to create. Which is great, no problem. AND, if they ignore who they are interested in becoming along the way, eventually they burn out. Why? Because they are searching for fulfillment in a place where it doesn’t exist: the results. That path leads to a hamster wheel of high performance.

Accomplishing something just drives us to desire more accomplishment. Again, no problem. Go out and get the thing. But the fulfillment comes from the journey, not the destination. It’s in our becoming that we grow and thrive, not in our arriving.

A Question to Leave You With…

My encouragement to you today is to find an area where you have been breaking your word to yourself and ask:

How could this broken commitment be a gift to the future-me?

Go out and lead meaningfully friends.

Trevor

PS - If you found this valuable in any way, I have two requests. One, would you reply and let me know? I’d love to hear from you. Second, would you consider forwarding this to a friend or colleague who might also be eager to grow as a leader? I would be honored to be trusted with your people and promise to serve them as powerfully as I intend on serving you.

If you’re ready to dig in some more, here are a few ways you can grow meaningfully as a leader:

1. Have you ever considered hiring a coach? Click here to schedule a no-cost, 15-minute discovery call with me where we’ll explore how coaching might just be the greatest next step for your growth.

2. Check out the latest episode of the Beyond High Performance podcast from my fellow coaches at Novus Global.

3. Want to learn what motivates you? Check out our free 5i Assessment to find out!